Bright Eys
by Spoot Poot
Summary: Penny takes Amy out for drinks, and the conversation turns to "Shamy".


Spoot: I'm trying something new here, and I have help...

Doctor Sheldon Cooper: ._.

Spoot: Really?

Sheldon: Fine, I'll play along. ^.^

Bright Eyes

The living room was dark when Penny opened the door. not a sound could be heard, so she made it a point to be extra quiet. She knew people were asleep. well, maybe not the baby sitter...The one, the only Doctor Sheldon Cooper. She had to work late that evening, as did Lenard. The obvious choice was Bernadette. Alas, she had plans. everyone else was busy...

"Oh good, you're home." came a voice from the bathroom. "Damn his vulcan hearing." She hissed under her breath. "If only." Sheldon said, entering the room. Penny placed her purse on the hook by the door, and greeted him with a smile. "sorry, its such a late hour...Sheldon...is that...Glitter?" She asked. his face turned red for a moment, then back to normal.

"Dont get any of that in your eye, you know-"

"I'm aware of the properties of glitter. And, just to let you know, not all Glitter is glass." He said, trying once more to get the purple sparkles out of his hair. "And not all that glitters is gold." She said, heading for the kitchen. Sheldon rolled his eyes. By now, he was used to her. He followed her to the kitchen.

"how did it go! Tell me everything!" She said, she was making herself a drink. Sheldon had followed her for a reason...but now... "I seem to have forgotten why I came in here." He said. She smiled. "That was God, playing Sims. He canceled your action." She said. Sheldon's brow raised. He let out a few gasps of air, indicating laughter. "Bazinga." She said. He crossed his arms. "Now, hold on. You didn't ask permission to use that." He said. She just smiled.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Drink?" She asked. Sheldon shook his head. "you really shouldnt drink this late..." He said, and she downed her drink in one gulp. "especially that. The sweeter the alcohol, the worse the hang over." She quickly poured another shot, and downed it. Sheldon understood this gesture. She was becoming annoyed with him.

"Ah, now I remember what I came in here for. I'm expecting payment." He said. She gave him a dirty look, and poured another drink. "Payment, Sheldon?" He nodded. "I'm familure with the protocol of babysitting. I should receive 20 dollars, or an hourly rate, coming out to 47.25." He said. She downed her drink. at this rate, she would be drunk by one-o-clock.

"I'm not paying you." She said.

"And why not!" His voice got a bit higher.

"Because you're not a hired baby sitter, you're a friend doing your other friends a favor! Are you not familiar with that protocol!" She snapped. He lowered his head. "Alright." He said, then looked up at her. "that being the case, you must do me a favor. are you familiar with Henry Youngman?" He asked.

She looked at him blankly. He knew what this meant. "I see, He was a russian comedian, and violinist. Famous for his one liners."

"Where is this going Sheldon. I'm gettn' a buzz here." She said, leaning on the counter.

"Take my wife, please." He said. She looked confused. "If you would have let me finish, you would understand. " He said.

"Mmmmyeah, no I wouldn't." She said, poring another drink.

"Let me try this, Take Amy out. She needs a girls night." He said.

"Ahhh, She driving you crazy?" Penny asked.

"Yes." Sheldon said. He could have gone more in-depth, but what would be the point.

The kitchen door swung open, and in walked Lenard. "Here you are." He said, then saw the bottle in Penny's hand. "Sheldon, leave Penny alone, you're turning her into an alcoholic." he said. "And with that, I take my leave." He said, he turned to Lenard. "You're welcome." He said. "Oh, yeah, thanks for baby sitting." Lenard said. though, Sheldon's "You're welcome" sounded ominous.

Penny had the next night off, so sure enough, she took Amy out for drinks. Bernadette tagged along. The three women arrived at a dive bar, much like something out of a movie, when they entered the bar, the music stopped and everyone looked their way.

"Perhaps we should go." Amy whispered, leaning over to Penny.

"What? why?! This place is awesome!" She said, taking Amy's hand. Penny was clearly scared. "alright. We'll stay." She said, not catching on to Penny's body language. Amy approached the bar, and sat down. a young man looked over at her, and smiled. "May I buy you a drink?" He asked. She looked over at him. "No thanks, I'm married." She said. Penny and Bernadette approached the bar and sat next to her.

"To them?" Asked the man. "Yes." Penny said, before Amy could answer.

"Why did you lie to him?" Amy asked in Penny's ear. "If he thinks we're together, he'll leave us alone." She said through her teeth. "Oh." Amy said, then looked over at the man. "Yes, these are my wifes. I'm a lesbian polygamist." She held a straight face as she spoke. "Ohmygod..." Penny mumbled, placing her face in her hands. "you know this will never work." Bernadette chimed in. "If they think we're lesbians, we'll get more attention. Howie has a thing for lesbians, so do all men."

Amy leaned over to her friends. "She's right. however I feel the need to correct a minor discrepancy. Not all men are into lesbians. Sheldon can bearly stand one woman." She smiled at this point. "Thats not true. He loves you!" Snapped Bernadette . "You just had to ruin it." said Amy. "You don't think he loves you?" Asked Penny. "What an odd thought." said Amy.

"Well, do you remember when you guys broke up the first time?" Penny asked.

"Yes, due to a disagreement about the validity of our respective fields." Said Amy.

"yeah, that..." Penny began. "he was a mess when the two of you broke up!"

Amy shook her head. "That has nothing to do with love."

"He got cats...we had to call his mother..."

Amy looked over at the other women. "Thats a psychosis, Love isn't real. It's a chemical reaction in the brain that causes delusions." She finished her statement, then turned to the bar tender. "Ginger Ale please."

"Bourbon." snapped Penny.

"Club Soda." said Bernadette.

"do you remember kissing him?" Penny asked. They had their drinks, and were sitting at a table. "Yes, and as I recall we went back to the way things were, when I was sober." She replied. "yeah, but when you kissed him, he described it as 'interesting.' " said Bernadette. Amy again, shook her head. "That can be interpreted in many ways." She said.

"you can't deny this though, you find him attractive." Said Penny. "why? I'll never know." She finished. "I do." said Amy. "He is very attractive." Penny leaned over. "Again, why?" Amy looked at her blankly. "Why not..."

Hours of fun had passed, and the three women were ready to go home, when Bernedet got an idea. She had dragged Penny to the lady's room to relay her plan. "jealousy!" Penny snapped. "You don't think it will work? I know I get super jealous when some other woman looks at my Howie!" Penny rolled her eyes. She did remember the Pria epidemic. The thought of some other woman all over Lenard made her blood boil.

"She admits that she loves Sheldon...so all we need is some hot guy all over Amy." Penny snapped. "Now you're with me!" Bernedet snapped. "And I know just the guy..." Penny said. the gears were in motion.

Amy was set up to sit with the young man who had offered her a drink. to do this, they had to get Amy good and drunk. so Penny poured some of her drink into the other woman's Ale. after a few sips, it was clear, Amy was a lush, and ready to flirt. She sat by the man, and began to chat with him. He was payed to sit with her, for as long as he did.

After all of that was in order, it was time to call Doctor Sheldon Cooper, with some lame excuse to come down to the bar. As instructed, he showed up, with in the hour.

He looked around the bar, for Penny and the others, when he spotted Amy talking to some man. He walked right over, and instructed that she remove herself from where she sat. She looked over at him, in awe. "I'll do no such thing! you don't own me Mr. Cooper!"

"Well, the last time I checked you were Mrs. Cooper, now get a move on!" He snapped.

"Whats wrong with you!" Amy snapped. standing to look up at him.

"Whats wrong with me? Whats wrong with you!"

at this point the man stood up. "Look, buddy. She don't gotta get up if she don't want to."

"I'm not your buddy, and further more, yes she does. Shes my wife!" Sheldon snapped.

"I thought you were a lesbian." Said the man. This made Sheldon turned his attention back to Amy. "I worry about you." He said in a hiss. "I worry more about you." She said, pushing him out of the way, and making her way to the door.

Everyone had made it outside. Amy was in an uproar, ranting about men. Penny was trying to calm her down. Sheldon was in the process of trying to get Amy in the car. All this was going fairly well, when the man from the bar, stepped out into the parking lot. "Hey buddy! leave the woman alone, She just might want to come home with me!"

Everyone got quiet. Sheldon turned. "Is that right?" He said. His voice high. "That would be very odd, conceding she's my wife."

"Am I Sheldon?" Amy snapped. Sheldon turned to her. "Are you?" He asked. "you don't act like my significant other. not right now, anyway!" She crossed her arms. "Well, you don't act like my husband most of the time!" She snapped. "Really, well if that were true, then I shouldn't be here, should I!" He then turned back to the man. "I'm not much of a husband, and it would seem that my wife would rather spend time with you, so go on...spend time with one another!" He snapped, turning back to Amy.

Being under the influence, Amy's face flushed for a moment. She then threw herself at the man. they kissed as the teenagers did. toung and all. Sheldon tapped the man on the shoulder. He pushed Amy away, and looked at the tall, Lanky man. "I'm sorry." Sheldon said, then reared his fist back, then slammed it into the mans face, dropping him like a sack of laundry. Amy's eyes went wide. She leaned over to the girls and mumbled, "Thank you."

Spoot: There you go! the first Big Bang fan fic.

Sheldon: please tell me it will be the last!

Spoot: I dunno...


End file.
